![]() ![]() What we have here is a narrative that suggests a literally unholy amalgamation of elements taken wholesale from sources as varied as “Paradise Lost,” “ Rosemary’s Baby,” and “The Boys from Brazil” as filtered through the literary voice-for lack of a more polite term-of Dan Brown in a manner that will have my editors questioning whether I need to adjust my medications. But what they didn’t count on was that, as the result of his dying prayer, the late Father Marconi had his body taken over by Michael, who goes off in pursuit of a rematch with his former foe. (They evidently finance their more overtly evil endeavors by holding secret auctions of the cloned likes of Vivaldi and Michelangelo, the latter with an opening bid of ten million Euros.) Sounds foolproof, I know. They then use the DNA from the Shroud to devise a fertilized egg that's implanted in Liz so that she can give birth to the end of civilization. Laurent ( Brian Caspe), her evil geneticist partner, has devised a way of extracting the DNA of long-dead people to make clones. It also turns out that Liz has a biological ace up her sleeve-Dr. Alas, their efforts have been stymied because mortal bodies simply cannot hold up to the strain of Lucifer’s power and rage-only the infant Christ could possibly survive under those circumstances. It turns out that Liz is the leader of a Satanic cult determined to free Lucifer from his chains, reincarnate him in the body of an unborn child, and allow him and his fellow demons to rule Earth. Still there after hours, Laura witnesses a group led by the malevolent Liz ( Eveline Hall) steal the Shroud and murder Father Marconi before stealing off into the night. One of these visitors is disbelieving American art scholar Laura Milton ( Alice Orr-Ewing), who has been let in by a friend, Father Marconi ( Joe Doyle), to study an accompanying statue chronicling Michael’s defeat of Lucifer. When the story picks up again in our time, the Shroud of Turin-that fabled length of linen that supposedly served as the burial shroud for Jesus and which allegedly bears his negative image-has been put on display and is attracting thousands of visitors a day. The rest of "The Devil Conspiracy" never quite hits that level of sublime silliness, but Lord knows it tries, no pun intended. Lucifer, while being dragged over, then remarks, “Is this really necessary?” I know we are barely two weeks into 2023, but I doubt that there will be a funnier line from a movie this year unless Elaine May went back to work without telling anyone. No, the moment of inspiration-if that is quite the word-comes when Michael arrives on the scene to finish off Lucifer’s confinement by shackling him to a seemingly unbreakable chain. ![]()
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